Taking Life with a Pinch of Salt: Overcoming Negative Thinking with Courage!

I recently picked up “The Courage to Be Disliked” by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga, expecting it to be about embracing conflict. Instead, it’s a thought-provoking guide on freeing ourselves from the need for approval — a powerful tool against negative thinking.

The book is structured as a dialogue between a philosopher and a young client, discussing ideas from Adlerian psychology. This theory focuses on present choices, arguing that our mindset isn’t shaped by past events but by how we choose to interpret them. This concept was eye-opening: it means we have more control over our thoughts than we often realise.

It’s time to face the fear of being disliked!

A key takeaway is that our insecurities often stem from a fear of disapproval. We avoid social situations, not because of shyness or fear of blushing, but because we’re afraid of judgment. The book suggests that addressing this fear directly can reduce our negative thinking, as it shifts our focus from others’ opinions to our own choices.

Instead of blaming our circumstances, we can ask ourselves: What am I truly afraid of? It’s usually the fear of rejection. By letting go of the need to be liked, we free ourselves from constant self-doubt.

We must recognise the validation trap of social media.

Yes I said it! Social media can be a positive tool (if balanced) but it can also amplify our need for validation. We get hooked on likes and comments, mistaking them for measures of self-worth. The book explores concepts like the superiority complex, where people mask insecurities by seeking external validation. This need for approval fuels negative thinking, making us dependent on others for self-assurance.

Adlerian psychology encourages us to depersonalise feedback. Instead of internalising criticism, we can see it as someone else’s perspective, not a reflection of our own value. Taking things with a pinch of salt helps us focus on our own growth rather than others’ opinions.

Choosing accountability over excuses.

The most impactful lesson from the book is about taking responsibility for our choices. It’s easy to blame our mindset on past experiences, but the book argues that it’s our current choices that shape us. For example, if we avoid situations because of anxiety, it’s not the anxiety that’s in control — it’s our choice to avoid discomfort.

When we recognise this, we gain the power to change. By choosing to face our fears, we break the cycle of negative thinking and take back control of our lives.

Finding Peace in Authenticity

Ultimately, the book teaches that the courage to be disliked is about embracing our true selves, flaws and all. When we stop seeking constant validation, we can live more authentically. This doesn’t mean ignoring others’ opinions but finding a balance where we value feedback without letting it dictate our self-worth.

Letting go of the need to please everyone is a radical act of self-love. It’s about prioritising our well-being over fleeting approval and finding joy in living for ourselves. The next time you feel trapped by self-doubt, remember: you have the power to choose your response. Take a deep breath, add a pinch of salt, and embrace the courage to live your truth.

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